As I am still hanging on to the future wealthy and relaxed me, there are some hurdles that keep coming my way. Not to worry, when you are in the pits of hell for one reason or another, when the skies are grey no matter what you do, there is not much positive stuff you can attract your way, even though you might be, like I am, working hard on trying to stay positive.
Force is to realize, in the long run, that sh… happens and sometimes, a lot of it happens, and why should I walk around with a big smile on my face? The psychological healing starts with accepting that I am going through a terrible horrible phase.. the spiritual healing starts with accepting that tomorrow can only shine if I shine today.
What a pickle!
So Smiling-me, Sad-me take a road trip, Smiling-me keeps walking, amazed by the sun light, the moon light, the pebbles on the road, the beautiful meadows… Sad-me keeps fighting the mosquitoes away, her feet ache, and the sun gives her blisters, she trips over shadows, and is out of breath most of the time.
Sad-me listens to Smiling-me singing away and wonders what she’s been popping to feel this way. Smiling-me looks over to sad-me and nods: “no wonder things keep happening to her!”
In this confusion there is one constant. As I am debating with Monday Smiling-me and Tuesday Sad-me and trying to keep them in order for Wednesday, bills keep coming and there is no amount of smiles or sadness that will make this fact go away. My depression is keeping me at home but the bills don’t know that, and — as I got the proof yesterday — they absolutely do not care.
“There has to be a way… let’s have a cup of calming tea!” I can hear Smiling-me singing… but Sad-me has her face in her hands and wants to bang her head against the walls.